Truth in Wine
by himasama
Summary: Chang Ge Xing drabbles, of what may have happen, happened, what I think might happen, and what I hope will happen. Mainly centred around Li Chang Ge. Mainly Ashina Sun/Li Chang Ge.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Chang Ge Xing belongs to Xia Da.**

* * *

 **Truth in Wine**

 **© 2015**

 _Often one finds one's destiny just where one hides to avoid it._

* * *

Watching the troubled visage of the Turk, she couldn't help comparing it to the image she had conjured up, surrounded by an army of mischievous children who had discussed their battle plans as inconspicuously as they could to provoke their father into playing with them.

The sight of enthusiastic and vigorous children, running and laughing around Ashina Sun was endearing, she thought, sitting under the shade of a tree. Furthermore, he had begun tackling the unguarded ones, with them shrieking in delight and excitement, hoisting them up to his shoulders one by one. Seeing him manhandle even the most delicate-looking daughters made her laugh.

His impatience and quick temper certainly doesn't change, and his rough and brutish ways had once worried her over the children's wellbeing. He smothered her arguments, pointing out that the Han nobility understood little about childcare, thus weak and unreliable youths. Despite herself, she found that she couldn't argue.

Now unable to support himself upright with the load of two on his shoulders, one dangling on his back, clutching an arbitrary hold on the seam of Sun's shirt, and another on his front swinging precariously on his belt, he could not move as fast. The older children who were left began to taunt him with a familiar smug confidence. Irritated, he braced the little ones onto himself and told them to hold on tight, and charged forward with unexpected speed, immediately throwing the children into a panicked frenzy.

Out of options, the ones uncaught began running to her direction, screaming, "Mama! Mama! Backup!"

Chang Ge rose and let herself be led by her children.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Chang Ge Xing belongs to Xia Da. Special thanks to xNightDreamerx for beta-ing.**

* * *

 **Truth in Wine**

 **© 2015**

 _If you walk on snow, you cannot hide your footprints._

* * *

Legally deceased. A dormant threat. They wished for her to silently disappear, retreat peacefully into the countryside and away from the heart of Tang.

She had fallen out from her path of vengeance, and sought out what she truly wished for. It had not been easy, for she was a threat to the dynasty with formidable emissaries seeking out her head to present to their master. Chang Ge had two options spread out for her, and she could have chosen the easy way out-lay low meekly, not attempting to exacerbate the situation; leaving the black blots of her wrongs toward the dynasty stay stagnant, not letting it bleed across like a horrible plague on the scroll of her life.

However, Li Chang Ge simply was not the person to lay low and live peacefully. She yearned to redeem herself. Not to the dynasty, but to the people. Smothering the black of her past with a cathartic white coat of altruistic deeds was the true challenge.

Thirteen years did not weather her resolve. After finding a new path, one that had resonated with the wishes of her heart, she had tried to assure her pursuers many times over with valiant feats that compromises no such harm to the empire, even aiding it to its present glory. Tang then had to struggle from threats within and without. While her second uncle brought his house to order, she initiated chaos in the empire's enemies.

Spring of 629, she had brazenly breached enemy territory to wake Du Ruhui as he slept, blade to his neck, to discuss matters over tea before disappearing into the shadows with none of his men the wiser. Simply put, he was a stubborn old ox and ceaselessly sought after her even then. His retreat due to illness did not falter his search. A year after, she stood by his bed side, the shortest of moments where no visitors meandered. They traded idle chatter to agreeable chuckles, The chancellor too weak to remove himself from bed, and his invader leaning by a window, throwing occasional glances outside. They talked about the cherry blossom's bloom. Chang Ge mentioned the impending operations on purging the Turks while Du Ruhui demanded to know how far the chain of plans she laid had spread, whom she met, whom she influenced, whom she inadvertently enticed into pledging their loyalty.

"Governor Gong Sun Heng. Yanhang Men. Jiali Khan's adopted son. Liu Yun temple-I knew it was you. Xueyantuo. Pusa Ilteber of Uyghur." Du Ruhui's laugh was but a weak wheeze. "I used to yen for enlightenment when I was young, but when I met the Prince of Qin, enlightenment ceased to matter. I knew the path I would follow was with him,"

Chang Ge didn't speak, watching the wisps of smoke from the burning incense.

"They say beauty is the wisdom of women, and wisdom is the beauty of men," he said, eyes unfocused, "Which one are you?"

"I am both," she said, "But I am neither,"

"I am Li Chang Ge, and I do not let my gender define me,"

He was silent before he laughed until he coughed. "Who could possibly trust one who defies their gender?"

"There are those who trust me despite that. You can, too,"

The Chancellor paused, the mirth dying as he closed his eyes and said with finality. "Retreat for the night, Li Chang Ge."

The next morning, news of Chancellor Du's passing doused the imperial palace in a mournful lethargy. Chang Ge knew his response when Hao Dou appeared before her, pledging his life. No achievement made her prouder.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Chang Ge Xing belongs to Xia Da. Special thanks to xNightDreamerx for beta-ing.**

* * *

 **Truth in Wine**

 **© 2015**

 _Good beginnings have good ends._

* * *

 _631 C.E. Pugu Tribe, north of the Duluo River._

The snow fell quietly, drifting against the air like graceful dancers from the ashen sky. He stood, watching the snowfall with distant eyes, small feet ankle deep in the mess of dead men and damp cloth, sticky blood and lukewarm snow. The red around him was engulfed by a pure and demure coat.

The young boy could barely register a thing, but his gaze on the weeping sky grew hazier by the second. He could not remember the features of the person that approached him before it all dissolved to black.

Throat barren and his side aching, he woke to a scalding sight of fire. Wrapped under thick wool and fur, he stirred, and the figure by his side handed him water.

"We're a traveling merchant convoy, and we happened to stop by this area." she started, his face not translating his surprise that his savior was a young lady, "We were too late,"

She had green eyes, he noticed.

"You can stay with us, boy," she said.

A warm pat on his head offered a promise of a new family, a new start, like snow smothering his red streaked past.

His eyes were bright with tears.

"You're safe now."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Chang Ge Xing belongs to Xia Da. Many thanks to xNightDreamerx for the beta.**

* * *

 **Truth in Wine**

 **© 2015**

 _Beautiful women will have difficult lives._

* * *

At sixteen, Chang Ge had shot down young girls who thought they had finally found their future husband, deliberately and unintentionally.

At eighteen, she was perilously three years into her marriageable age. She watched the scrolls of suitors pining for her burning a marvelous fire. Chang Ge had no time for follies, strategizing with her men and amassing allies to ensure their triumph.

At nineteen, she and all whom she cares for faced the most decisive turn of their lives.

At twenty-one, she, alongside her most loyal retinues acknowledge the fact that Li Chang Ge would never be wed, and be a lone master to them until her last breath. Not many women her age, not in the central plains nor the grasslands, were unwed.

At twenty-three, she found herself with a perfunctory promise with a brute of a man. Late spring the next year, she was married to him. By summer, she found that she was with a child. The news was unwittingly an explosive mess.

At twenty-four, she cried an embarrassing amount at the sight of her baby.

At twenty-six, she has survived a total of four assassination attempts. The most recent one left her left leg inept with a horrible limp.

At twenty-eight, she realized to her own horror that she had eight children.

At thirty, an unprecedented attack deprived her of two children. Her illness took a turn for the worse.

At thirty-one, she was bedridden. In the early winter's chill, Chang Ge laid beside her husband and her children who had cried themselves to sleep, she closed her eyes and slept.

After the clan's funeral rites took place, a party consisting of family and the closest of retinues raced to Chang An for a final tour.

Her remains lay next to her mother's.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Chang Ge Xing belongs to Xia Da. Many thanks to xNightDreamerx for beta-ing.**

* * *

 **Truth in Wine**

 **© 2015**

 _Though separated for a thousand miles, those who care for each other are tied together by a thread._

* * *

With a basket in hand, she exited the sweets shop, suddenly reminded of the many events that had transpired within a single year. Leaving a short note behind, she mounted one of the sturdiest steads and headed for the grasslands, alone.

She traveled relentlessly for days, even weeks, stopping only for food and sleep or watering her horse. Her mind only knew her destination in approximation. Her heart led her to its exact place. Deep inside, Chang Ge knew she might be wrong.

It did not matter.

She had barely made it in time.

It was _this_ sight of the sky. It was _this_ mound on the ground. Chang Ge slowed her horse, and dismounted unhurriedly.

"Mimi,"

She unfolded a paper package from the basket, revealing cherry-blossom shaped candies and laid them on the ground.

"You never got to see me in women's clothing,"

Chang Ge rose and spread her arms to both sides. She twisted to the side, showing her friend the fine silks that fell onto the ground gracefully; long, sheer sleeves billowing. Her hair was simply donned to stand the riding she had done, but was pinned up with jades gilded in gold. Ribbons on her hair rode the wind.

The wind spoke no words. She halted the half-hearted dance, falling onto the ground next to the mound she knew was Mimi, and lay on her back. As she watched the sky, she recounted her adventures of the year, her plans in detail, and how she felt... all the things she dared not disclose to anyone. Occasionally, she would glance at the soil by her side and look away with stinging eyes. Chang Ge told herself that Mimi's body might not be laying under patch of soil beside her, and that her tears would make no difference.

"Mimi."

It was sundown when Chang Ge reached the end of her recount, hair a mess, and dress soiled. Her last words died in her throat like the disappearing rays of sun. She tried to grasp its final strings of light between her grimy fingers.

"Mimi."

It didn't matter, did it? Whether or not she found the right place, the dead will forever be lost. Chang Ge covered her eyes with the back of her hand, as if that could shield her tears from the heavens' blinking eyes.

"Mimi," she addressed the stars.

"I miss you."

* * *

A/N: The title was trans-literal from the original saying "千里相思一线牵", but the more well known version would be: "An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break" aka the Red Thread of Fate. Ironic, cause Mimi's dead.


	6. Chapter 6

**Truth in Wine**

 **© 2015**

 _Solitude is enjoyed only when one is at peace with oneself._

* * *

It was only when he started to share a bed with her did he know many things others did not. Rare as it was for him to wake earlier than she, he never tries to fall back asleep, concerned for her small frame shivering in the early morning chill.

"You are lucky that I have high body heat."

"I am."

And he would gather her into an embrace whenever she seemed cold. She would smile and cling onto him, allowing herself to be coddled in those short moments. It was a given that he did so in their mornings together, developing into a habit that stayed after half a year, he would reach for her and entangle her into a vise hold in his sleep. Even when she was bedridden with a horrifying ailment, he stubbornly wished to be by her side. She hadn't a choice but to use their children to ward him off, fearing the contagion of the disease. After a year of his incessant, mulish arguments and Mujin's solemn advises, Chang Ge relented. It worried him sick. It was as if she was too weak to fight it back any longer.

Tired from his suspicions, he allowed himself reprieve for one night. After that one night, he awoke, embracing the cold corpse of his wife.

From then on, Sun slept and woke up alone. Dinner was heavy, their meals cloying in their throats as swollen-eyed children sat in a smaller circle then, desperate to cover a hole where someone used to fill. If the mournful air of absence decimated any member of their remaining family into a remorseful plight, none would show their red eyes, unlike the time when they sobbed as a family at the loss of two siblings.

When Mujin arrived to their encampment just outside the Tang border after long days of harsh riding, they appeared just as they had always. He was thoroughly horrified at the hollow ghosts in the dilapidated family's forlorn hunch and dazed stares. They spoke languidly, smiles wary and dry. None of the children greeted him in their usual way, jumping onto his unguarded stature with overwhelming enthuse. With a grit of his teeth, he gathered all six into a tight hug. Neither let go until their feet were sore from standing too long.

Sun remained the most difficult.

In long nights like this particular one, Mujin would offer him wine as they laid on stacks of hay, stargazing.

"Winter is coming, Sun," he reminded. "You should stop sleeping out here. You're not young anymore, you'll catch a cold,"

The man would grunt nonchalantly, taking a swig from the wineskin. "This will keep me plenty warm,"

Sun's neck snapped sideways when Mujin landed a solid punch to his jaw.

He was right to have done it, Mujin decided as he shook his hot knuckles, when the man he punched still laid limply as blood trickled down his mouth. It has been two months, and he's had enough. Sun might still act the unmoved Tegin, sedately settling trade deals and annexing small tribes, but soon he would implode into his own self.

"Stop sulking," spat Mujin as he stood. "You fall and cry for a day, but you get up and live tomorrow. Remind yourself that you are not only father of six, but father of more than half a thousand,"

As his sole right-hand man left, he spat a mouthful of blood onto the dirt, rubbing his jaw.

"It is quite cold tonight,"

He straggled into his yurt.

Sun woke up in the morning laying sideways, on the right side of the mattress, arms splayed to hold the air on his left. He stared at the even sheets, weak sun rays warming them as he tried to clear his mind off the pangs of a wretched hangover.

He would press his palm onto his eyes firmly, keeping his pain in. His throat cinched miserably, throbbing and burning.

This was why he didn't want to sleep in their formerly shared yurt.

He hated the cold mornings.

It took away a part of him.

It reminded him that he had become half the man he used to be.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Chang Ge Xing belongs to Xia Da. Special thanks to xNightDreamerx for the beta.**

* * *

 **Truth in Wine**

 **© 2015**

 _Study to improve oneself,_ _not to impress others._

* * *

Into her mother's personal chamber she snuck, after specific orders to the attendants and Ah Yun to let no one intrude. Chang Ge had clandestinely approached the room in silence, careful in her brightly dyed foreign dress, accentuated an abundance of dangling ornaments on the hems of the dress and woven into her hair, braided unfamiliar to the Han's common style.

"Mother," little Chang Ge called in Uyghurian, startling Li Jin. She knew she was ready when her mother glanced at her.

Without preamble, she floated into a fluid dance. The dangling ornaments jingled with every step and stroke, the vivid colour of the dress dyeing the air in its wake matching the dramatic, festive jigs. Chang Ge danced and danced, a huge smile on her face as she infused all the grace and power in every flight and flutter. Only when the dance receded did she dared to find her mother's eyes.

She stopped when she saw her mother, her beautiful mother, agape with relentless tears running down her face. Chang Ge immediately dropped all she had done, and rushed to the lachrymose woman.

"Mother," Chang Ge urged, small hand shaking her shoulders, "Mother.. Mother! Are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere? Did I do something-"

Jin Liangdi sobbed even louder with every Uyghurian word.

"..Mama," Chang Ge pleaded, switching to Han. Her small face was contorted in devastation, feeling atrocious for every drop of salty tears to escape her jaw, for upsetting her mother, whom despite her despair and pitiable state, expressed no extremities of solidly physical expression like tears of sadness.

"Ma—Mother,"

She wished to reach out for the weeping figure, but her mother did not seem like she would appreciate further breaches in privacy after she cruelly prodded a sensitive matter to her.

"Mother," she said, swallowing as she felt her voice cracking, keeping her gaze down in shame. "I am sorry."

Before her own tears could break out from its thick walls on her eyes, she turned away vehemently.

"I promise to never do it again," she choked, reassuring her mother as she dashed out of the unwelcoming chamber. Dancing shadows on the lacquered wooden walls flicked and jumped, twining into hands that chased her out. Chang Ge shook and shuddered, feeling cold on her fingers and dizzyingly feverish on her face. Her legs ached to run out. Run, go out, away—far, far away from the room, frigid and distant as her own mother.

"I'm sorry,"

She had sobbed long and hard that night, biting her fingers to mute the excruciating wheeze of her voice. Ah Yun stood outside her door, curtly sending away concerned maidservants. She stayed for hours with nothing to say, sleeve against her lips to catch involuntary tears. At dawn, Chang Ge found a bowl of half-melted ice and a piece of cloth. Sniffling, she gathered the ice with the cloth and dappled them on her swollen eyes, warming them with rivulets of fresh tears.

Ignoring her breakfast, she dismissed all the Uyghur linguists and ceased her ardent practicing of Uyghur dances. Schedule cleared, she drowned herself into other studies; swapping the Uyghur language to history of the dynasties and its trade and its scholars, trading dance classes for swordsmanship practise and war strategies. The Princess of Yongning carried on as if nothing was amiss. Reluctantly, so did the rest of the palace.

Stoic as a statue, Chang Ge would walk past Jin Liangdi's room with easy grace, catching the streaks of gold at the corners of her eyes.

As usual, Li Jin spared her no glances.

She breathed no word about that night again.

* * *

*Liangdi: the wife of the Crown Prince.


End file.
